Saturday, December 27, 2008

Oblique, paltry, and qualify

Camilla's eyes narrowed. "Are you accusing me of something?"

Nadine shook her head. "I wouldn't dream of it. But your fear makes me wonder what it is you have to be afraid of."

"Nothing," Camilla said, instantly on-guard but pretending to be calm. "I haven't a thing in the world to hide, from you or anyone."

Nadine smiled, showing her teeth. "That may be the case," she said, "but maybe you should be afraid of what people are hiding from you."

Camilla whirled to face her nemesis. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Nadine shrugged. "Oh, nothing. I was merely playing devil's advocate."

"Oh, you're in league with the devil alright..."

"CUT!" The director hurried onto set. "Brilliant! Ladies, that was wonderful. Marvelous. Astounding." For a soap opera, anyway, he thought.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Narcissism

Have I become less experimental as I've "progressed"? Am I afraid of standing out, of failing for being different? Do I now subscribe to the formula for success that I used to rebel against? I used to love being inside my own head, staring at the mental and emotional reflection of myself, so to speak. Now I feel so average in thought and accomplishment. What changed? When? Why? And how do I change it back?

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Laggard and macrobiotic

What's the point of extending our story past its natural end? We're all in such a hurry to speed up our lives that we end up needing more time because we rush through what we were given. Seems like a strange system to me.

Iambic, jaded, and kibbutz

Our offbeat rhythms wear me out. I'm tired of sitting here and wondering when these tears will turn to pearls, when our memories will be spun of gold. Every day I weave the fabric of our lives together, and every night you cut the strings.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Gaffe and hackneyed

It's a mistake -- however common -- to think that any of our problems can be solved quickly or easily.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Dastard, ecclesiastical, and fabricate

I wonder if he believed in me. When he made those joking references to our future, I knew that would never be real for us. But did he see that for me anyway? Did he already know he'd be replaced, and that I would continue on my path the same without him?

These are the thoughts that ran through my mind as I entered the church for his funeral.

We'd said goodbye once before. I hadn't imagined having to do it again this way.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Beatific and cached

"No."
"Yes."
"No!"
"Yes."
"No way!"

Tina jumped for joy -- and hit her head on the low ceiling of the attic stairwell -- as she and her sister walked up to find the box full of their childhood.

"I can't believe Mom saved all this stuff. When did she have time to put it all away?"

Emily paused. "She didn't. Dad saved it."

Surprised, Tina said nothing, but they continued towards the old chest together. "Do you think my ponies are still in there?"

"I highly doubt they would have been thrown away. You insisted you wanted to be buried with them."

"I still do."

"I'll remember that."

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Homologous and ablaut

Sabine:

We met because he spelled her name wrong. He was looking for Savine, but he found me instead. I lived on a quaint street in Covington, just down the block from Mainstrasse, where I often spent the nights out partying with my girl friends. He'd gone to Catholic school with Savine and had just moved back after a stint in San Francisco. He wanted to know if she'd like to go to church with him. I answered the door wearing raccoon eyes and a hickey.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Elocution

Despite my fear, I spoke clearly. He had come home late -- returning from her house, no doubt. I stood in the hallway, centered within the single ray of light that cut through the darkness. I knew he could see my body, but could he see my heart? I wanted to make sure. So I wore nothing to obstruct his view.

Monday, December 08, 2008

Sequacious and sepulcher

Follow me into this sweet slumber, this dark chamber of eternity. That is love, undying, immortal. Sacrifice oneself for one's love. You for me. Give up your life now that I have lost mine. That's how I will know your love, and we will stay together forever.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Dissever and sentinel

He stood guard as I took the saw into the shed and cut off my leg.

Later he helped me push fresh snow over the spots where blood had stained the old snow.

When they asked why I did it, I told them the truth.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Curio

When we selected our items for the time capsule, we didn't think about what story they would tell. We wanted to save our favorite things forever, regardless of what they might mean or not mean to anyone else. So we put in baseball cards and Barbie dolls, packs of gum and headbands. These were not our best things -- we wanted to keep our best things, you see -- but second best was good enough for those kids of the future. They wouldn't know the difference.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Incursion and caitiff

She flees from me, not because she is afraid but because she wants to torment me. There is no love, no respect between us. She wants me to adore her, to devote more of myself than just the few minutes before bed, the passing thoughts during the way. I have yet to give in to her demands. Until I do, we will always play this game of chase, and I will always lose. I know this, and yet I am hesitant. What is it that I think I'm holding on to? Pride? Freedom?

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Valediction and bulwark

Leanne wondered when her friend would shed the shield she'd been wearing her whole life. Sandra was strong and beautiful -- and afraid. Afraid of happiness, afraid of people. She didn't want to depend on anyone, not the way her mother had. Because then she might fall apart if that person left, the way her father had. She held her feelings close to her chest but far enough away to see, like a poker player guarding a valuable hand. Though they'd been friends for five years now Leanne had never seen the cards clearly, but she knew they were there, had gotten a glimpse or two.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Cadence, eminent, and balustrade

Typical dream scene. Beautiful girl at the top of the stairs. Music swells in parallel to the racing heart.  Breath stops. People gasp. She's too lovely. Her hand hovers above the railing as she descends. An angel from the skies. Too cliche. Goddess from the heavens. No better. But still true. This is every movie, every song, every fairytale. This is love rewriting the day to be perfect. This is how memory will seal it forever. This is okay.