Fortuitous

Your sweet voice when it says my name. I dreamt of you last night. In the dark you touched my hand, and I smiled though no one could see. When I woke I still felt your skin, your fingers against mine. It was beautiful, and I wish I could have shared it with you. I wish you truly understood how I felt. It's all in those moments.

(Tu voz dulce cuando dice mi nombre. Yo soñé de ti anoche. En la oscuridad tú tocaste mi mano, y yo sonreí aunque nadie podía verlo. Cuando me levanté, todavía sentí tu piel, tus dedos contra los míos. Era hermoso, y yo deseo que podría compartirlo contigo. Yo deseo que tú comprendes verdaderamente como siento. Está todo en esos momentos.)

Call

Why doesn't he just say something? That's what I keep wondering. Keep me here, keep it under wraps, it's always for keeps with us. I wish I could drop under the ground and look up through the glass ceiling to the brilliant snowy sky and the people walking overhead. The heat of the Earth would keep me warm. Then, just like now, I might call out, and no one would hear.

Proselytize

Born again. That means I must have died first. Did you kill me, or save me? I thought I knew the answer, but now I'm not so sure. I feel your breath in my mouth; it's hot and sweet and slow. I want you to bring me back, to surprise me, to sweep me off my feet. Not forever, just tomorrow. Not forever, just tomorrow.

(Nacido otra vez. Significa que primero he muerto. ¿Me mataste?, o ¿me salvaste? Pensé que supe la respuesta, pero ahora no estoy seguro. Siento tu respiración en mi boca; está caliente y dulce y lenta. Quiero que tú me vuelvas, me sorprendes, me barres de mis pies. No por siempre, sólo mañana. No por siempre, sólo mañana.)

Pendentive and piscary

What do you want? The right to be free, to fish in other waters? All you gotta do is ask, and I promise you, once you do, it's yours. I'll leave you be. I'll leave. Easier said than done, I'm sure, but I'm tired of supporting this weight, this terrible burden my mind makes of all the songs and skies and spaces in between. I know you don't understand the way my heart works, but I thought you knew me. I thought you liked me. I thought you... Well, maybe I thought wrong.

(¿Qué quieres? ¿El derecho de estar libre, de pescar en otros aguas? Solamente necesitas preguntarlo, y te prometo que, tan pronto como lo haces, es tuyo. Te saldré. Saldré. Más fácil para decir que hacer, no tengo dudo, pero estoy cansada de apoyar este peso, esta carga terrible que mi mente hace de todos los cantos y los cielos y los espacios. Yo sé que no comprendes la manera en que mi corazón funciona, pero pensé que me supo. Pensé que te gustó a mí. Pensé que... Pues, quizás pensé incorrecto.)

Aimless

You did a slow and aimless dance around those sticks and stones that broke your bones and my subsequent apology and attempts to make it right but it's still left unsaid and unanswered and unasked and understand me when I say that I can't keep on going this way because there is no end in sight to the stalemate we've designed to make us both feel better when we're really doing worse.

Kowtow

You rob me and yet still I bow my head in deference. I blame your injustices on my imperfections, but often I think the truth lies trapped somewhere between that and fear. Smothered by our silence, my thoughts turn blue and struggle to break free. Captive to the vibrant red of all that I desire, I begin to wonder when simple and real became so hard and imaginary.

(Tú me robes, pero te bajo mi cabeza en deferencia. Doy culpa para tus injusticias a mis imperfecciones, pero a menudo pienso que la verdad se acuesta atrapado entre ésto y miedo. Sofocados por nuestro silencio, mis pensamientos se cambian azules y luchan para ser libre. Prisionero del rojo vibrante de todo lo que yo deseo, empiezo a preguntar cuándo el sencillo y verdadero se convirtieron en tan duro y imaginario.)

Aerodynamic

I want to be more than this. Each night my wings drip with the sweat of my emotion, and I'm left wondering why my feet folow my heart instead of my head. Sometimes I feel my finger on the trigger, but what if the gun is only an illusion? Yesterday's shadow writes Today's script, and my stupid mouth performs anyway. I'm not designed this way, unfortunately. I think I was made to fall.

(Quiero ser más que ésta. Cada noche mis alas gotean con el sudor de mi emoción, y me deja pensando en por qué mis pies sigue a mi corazón y no a mi cabeza. A veces siento mi dedo a el disparador, pero ¿si el arma es sólo una ilusión? La sombra de Ayer escribe la escritura de Hoy, y mi boca estúpida la realiza. Yo no estoy diseñado en esta manera, desafortunadamente. Pienso que yo fui hecho para caer.)

Inconsistent

Midnight cries for me, but no one hears her sorrow. She takes a sip of tea, and her inconsistent nature makes me wonder whose side she's really on. I ask her to explain; she says she can make no guarantees. I run after her with other people's voices in my head, but she doesn't hear our pleas. It's all a crazy dream, and I'm staying asleep until Midnight finds someone to wake me.

Hay enemigo en esta selva de emoción. Las lluvias caen del cielo gris, y mi pelo corre sobre mi cara como un río sobre el globo. A través de la ventana puedo ver los edificios y los árboles, pero tú estás ocultado, cubierto por las sombras. Quiero caminar contigo. Quieres estar solo. No es mi decisión. Nunca es mi decisión.

Lucent and tawny

There are so many questions I don't ask, so many things I just let be. But I wonder, do I get credit for that? Does anyone see how much I hold back, the way I respect the little black box I'm in? I sit here in the dark and wait for someone to poke another hole, to allow another pinprick of light through to my eyes. This tawny shell peels back from my skin and what's revealed is the beautiful girl within. I used to think you saw her, but now I am afraid. It's my fault and believe me my despair, if in fact you've gone away. Do you think you'll ever forgive me? Do you think we'll ever be the same?

Nisus

I want to hear the music hum beneath my fingers, the only thing in this world that's truly black and white. I see that grey skyline in your eyes, but the bright orange gates always seem to swing wide open when I'm in your arms. Are we adding hypocrisy to our list? I can't help the way I am, and you can fix the way you feel, and nothing will be set in stone. It'll melt away like wax instead. Then we can aim for a mutual state of awkward affection and maybe just hope for a century of the best.

Daltonism, bend sinister, and elision

Are you an artist? Do you paint your world in reds and greens and then mix them up like Dalton did? The heroism of leaving things out strikes me as noble stupidity, because you cut your nose to spite your face. Who wins with ignorance and self-protection? The lights are on already; when you're naked, you're naked, it doesn't matter what you look like. Being afraid is normal, but whan can you hope to accomplish by hiding in the dark?

Unfold

Clearly I know nothing. I watch the stars unfold before my eyes and I think I'm watching the end of life as I know it. The truth is I shouldn't even try anymore. No, the truth is I shouldn't blame myself for an honest mistake. Everyone tries to figure it out; why should I be any different? Answer: for my own damn good.

Kinesis

Is this the kinesis I caused, with my sullen face and my sickened days? Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be stronger, couldn't do better. Sorry I couldn't keep a smile on my face. I'd give anything now to make things right, but every passing second convinces me that night has come to stay, no more the sun to rise and bring its light. Can we live in darkness? Do we have a choice?

Ordure

She steps in the same shit time and time again. It would almost be funny, if it weren't so overwhelmingly gross and pathetic first. Though she wipes her shoes, everyone knows it's just a temporary fix. She'll do it again tomorrow. Is she stupid? Stubborn? Oblivious? No. No, I think she believes -- she really and truly believes -- that one day she'll go outside and put down her foot and there will be nothing but the simple, solid sidewalk. And then she'll be free to walk as she pleases. No shit to foul her way.

Dalliance

The flower's dalliance with the dew, like a game of cat and mouse. The sun gets jealous and heats itself up; the grasses wait for the drop to fall and grace them with its love. Everything is a system, a closed circuit with a finite set of players. One to two and two to three and her to you and her to me. Nothing really unexpected, but nothing quite predictable either. You know it's going to happen, it's inevitable in fact, but then the question is when and now, and what are you going to do about it.

Brick

Funny, don't you think, that I wrote your story today? At least, I figured it out, who you are and who I am, and who we'll be in this fictional world I made. But disappointment as fuel isn't nearly as fun as affection. Why do you build these walls, why won't you let me past the brick? I thought I was there, I really did. Now I'm back on the outside. I guess I'll just have to tell this story to myself...

Zugzwang

It just seems so obvious to me, how this fits, how this makes sense. We're not playing a game, and right now we're not even making any moves, but in general, we've got this way of trying to predict each other, trying to strategize. You caught me at a weak moment, and I tried something desperate, something stupid. Now I see a better way, but it's too late, you've already played through. I'm not sure what to do, but perhaps it's not my turn. Perhaps it's checkmate and I just don't know.

Picaroon

I guess it's time I run into the snow, the blinding storm, the white white light that takes me far away from here. Like a pirate ship it will steal me away and bear me off on the great grey sea. Tears and rain, tears or rain; water all the same. You'll never know, you'll never go, you'll never stay to see. More than just words, I need to hear. I need here. I need I need I need.

Fabric

Everyone knows the shield she wields is made of the softest fabric. She says she's the strongest warrior that ever lived, but underneath her shining eyes is the heart of a girl who just wants to be loved. She's hurting herself, and everyone can see, but who will say a thing? She wishes she could surrender her soul, but she hasn't yet found a resting place for it. Until then...

Plain weave

Sometimes I feel like I can't be real, like you want this angel-soft cotton instead of the plain weave that I am. And sometimes we act like strangers, but if they really knew all the things we do, the shockwave would be felt for miles. I can grin and bear and meet your stare, but sometimes I'd like to just close my eyes. There's nothing like resting when the skies are dark.

Entresol

Don't forget about the middle ground: nothing's as high or low as we painted it to be. I remember nights sobbing into the phone and mornings colored with the red-rimmed tint of a broken heart. I remember laughing in the parking lot as we fought for the wallet and stars shining overhead in the cool clear evening. I remember being so scared because I thought we were going to die, or I thought "we" were going to die. I remember thinking I'd never been so happy, and never would be again. I was right and I was wrong and it doesn't really matter anymore, and that's what I want to remember now. That this too shall pass, and my life will be all the richer for it.

Attendant

You don't have to stand attendant to my heart. This flight's gone solo once more. Don't worry about me, and please don't be hurt. I've had some time to think, to soar, to sink, and I realize that this is probably for the best after all. The sun still shines up here above the clouds. That's why I always love flying.

Hibernaculum

Where is my protective case? Where did I put that damn thing? Seems like I've shed my shell, and I'm not sure it's for the best. I want to regress, I need to retreat. The shelter of the past has receded from my grasp, and I'm scared, goddammit, I'm terrified. I'm mad, too, because I hate acting like a fool. And that's all I seem to do anymore, from my point of view. I can't keep my head on straight, can't keep my cool. Well, it's time that things changed, that's what I'm going to do. Gonna get my act together, gonna be one instead of two.

Wrench

I'm gonna close my eyes before I wrench the things I want most right out of my own hands. I'm freaking out, I should be letting go. I'm losing control, I should be calming down. It's crazy how crazy I get, even when I'm level-headed. I can say whatever I want, but mostly it's just what I wish were true. The reality is... not as pretty as the lies I tell myself. But that's normal, isn't it?

Rancor

I laughed when I saw, because I knew, I knew. I knew the prize went to you, to you, like all things do. The rancor set in, though I tried, I tried, to stop it, to hide it, to kill it, to pry it, to get it all off and away from my soul. No good can come from harboring ill, from housing it in me, from doing its will. So I ran it away -- but is it gone to stay? -- who knows, who knows, where it all goes. As long as I'm free, I'm free, I'm free...

Surface

I'm showing you the door because the surface explanation of things doesn't quite suffice. You say you're trying, and I say you just don't cut it. I'm not just mad, I'm furious, because I know you can do better. Tell me your excuses, and I'll give you back your lies. There's nothing for it now; take your check and go. It's the only payment you'll ever get.

Diplomacy

This isn't the time for gentle words or tactful sympathy. I think maybe I've already spent too long coddling my own ego. I'm beginning to see the unvarnished, unfortunate truth of who I am and who I'll never be.

Monkeyshine

Maybe this is all a game, just one big joke, like everything I do. Don't take me seriously; nobody will. I'm a phony, a fake, a liar, or worse: an amateaur. There's more in your pinky finger than in my entire future, and that scares me. I try not to let the waves overcome me, but they're growing stronger now. Coming harder, crashing faster, pulling me with the undertow. How do the others not succumb to this? How do they manage to swim?

Blender

Don't you worry because today we're all going in, going down, going 'round and 'round this blender of time. You're happy and I'm happy and I'm sad and I'm afraid because the little green monster keeps getting in my face. I wish I could say I didn't care, I wish I could make it on my own, but there's so much in this world I don't control, and that transoceanic flight won't let me on with passion alone.

Ambient

This knotted rope around my neck ensnares me to my doom. Fated now to watch my end rather than stop it, save her, win. I feel the helplessness pervade inside, down to my very bones. It's scarier day by day to realize I can't succeed. That's how I feel, that paralyzing fear, that overwhelming predetermined sorrow at a fate that will never be.

Horse chestnut

This fire starts in the brush, just a few licks, fanning out slowly and quietly. By the time the flames have engulfed the forest, you won't even know what hit you. No one expects fury from the friendly silence found in me, but I've warned everyone that I have my fair share of fits. Fear me not, if you treat me right. That's all I ever ask.

Immure, scabrous, machinate, and fusty

Trapped in this foul, fusty shell, breathlessly waiting for my chance to break. I devise countless plans though all come to naught, because I need hope to hold, able or not. I don't know how to explain the darkness ahead, the unknown cloud that looms when I go to bed. I try to open my mouth but no sound comes out. I try to close my mouth but then I shout. I can't do anything right, sometimes, and that's what I worry about.

Oppugn

Stifling, trembling, burning, aching. Everything about her now is contradiction, one element opposing the other. The battle wages, rages, wanes, and repeats. Her battered body carries on, though she wants only to lay it down and give it rest, wash it clean of these tortured days. But the choice is not hers to make: the sun still rises, the phone still rings, and demands still come to stake claims on her soul. Her fears and her pains she smiles and bears, and she continues as if everything were fine. You would never know different. You're not supposed to.